Bad Running Poetry

I love poetry.

I also love bad-writing contests. Here's the winner of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.
--Molly Ringle of Seattle, Washington

How can you not love that?

Tomorrow (Aug. 18) is Bad Poetry Day, so a blogger for Runner's World invited his readers to make contributions with (of course) a running theme. You can read them all here. But here are some of my favorites.

Feetsies I wuv you,
tootsies I do.
But get your ugly digits,
back in my running shoe!
by kittenkat

Then out spoke brave Horatius, he of the steady gait:
"To every man upon this earth, death cometh soon or late;
And how can man die better than facing fearful odds,
Bravely chasing his BQ, his feet just barely shod."
by ben.miramontes

Long distance running
It's much like a dance
But if you go for too long
You might poop your pants
by Keith McGahey

Here's my contribution:

Thank you for the Port-a-John
That sits upon the golf course lawn.
Thank you for the 7-Eleven
Sent like a pre-dawn slice of heaven
When I need some gummy bears.
Thank you for my Camelbak
With its little zipper pack
That nicely neatly holds a phone
To help me feel much less alone,
To call my husband when I'm done
And when no further I must run,
When in a Starbucks chair I sit
And wonder vaguely, dimly, if
I'll ever rise again.
Thank you for this chocolate milk
Flowing down my throat like silk.
Its proteins will my muscles build,
Its sugars my glycogen stores fill,
So that at dawn on Tuesday next
I'll rise just like a person hexed
And jog in zombie warm-up mode
To the track whose line I've often toed
For lots more trips around.
Thank you for this cold ice bath.
Thank you for this two-hour nap.
And if you've read to this stage late
Thank you for you--you're nuts but great.

Don't think I'll send that to my English teacher.

If you've got a bad running jingle in you, leave it in a comment!