My husband and I were playing two-handed bridge tonight, and I made a move that I thought would take a trick and surprise him. But turns out he was able to beat my play with a king I didn't realize he had.
"Shoulda counted better," he crowed.
On the next trick, I got him with an unexpected trump.
"Now who shoulda counted better!" I declared in triumph, taking the trick with a measly 10.
It's fun to do a little trash talking with my husband over bridge. But as we continued to play (and he beat me, probably because I started thinking about the subject of this post rather than the game), it occurred to me that I have a very different attitude about trash talking in running.
I don't do it. I don't like it. If anyone tried to trash talk me about a race, I'd roll right over and say, "Yeah, you're right. You're going to kick my ass."
So what's the difference between running and bridge? Part of it is that my husband and I are, well, husband and wife, and we know each other well enough to know where the line of too much and just enough teasing lies. In fact, he's one of the very few people I have enough of a level of comfort with to allow him to tease me at all. I hate being teased, period. I know it makes me come across in some contexts as uptight and humorless, when I don't think I'm humorless at all and I'm only a bit uptight, but it's the way I've always been. It's not that I can't poke fun at myself. But I'd rather be the one doing the poking. I wonder if this is a flaw. Probably. Probably not being able to take teasing is just a step from not being able to take criticism, which is a bad quality.
The other part of it, though, is that while I know I'm not very good at bridge and would like to get better, I'm laid-back when practicing it and not really worried about how I appear. In running, I know I'm not very good at it and want to get better--but I care a great deal about how I appear. I don't want to promise what I can't deliver, even to those who are friends. And if someone were to tease me about my running ability, about beating me in a particular race, my fragile ego would take it to heart, even if my head knew it was meant in fun.
This could be a big part of why I never liked team sports. Some people find sports-related teasing fun, a big part of the whole experience. Alas, I believe this is a side of running culture I'll never be able to participate in.
Do you talk trash in running? How are you about teasing?
No trash talking in running for me. I compete against myself and nobody else or else it becomes too competitive and no longer enjoyable for me. I think I am kind of like you when it comes to teasing.
ReplyDeleteTrash talking during running seems counterproductive to me. I guess because I don't see it as a competition at my level. Cards, however, require trash talking. It's in the instructions.
ReplyDeleteI'm a terrible trash talker, but typically only in circumstances where I clearly can't live up to it so it's very tongue in cheek. I've actually been pretty uncomfortable in the two situations this year when I've beaten my trash talk "victims". Suddenly it feels more like bragging than joking.
ReplyDeleteoh, i don't trash talk! i put enough (self-inflicted) pressure on myself during races, my god i don't need the pressure of having to deliver b/c of trash talking!!! i'm not that fast either. to me, fast runners can trash talk!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't talk trash when I run. For one, I'm not going for the top spot and there are lots of runners faster than me. Second of all, I like to be encouraging to other runners.
ReplyDeleteNow the teasing part is a different story.
i don't trash talk. I want both me and my competitors to have a well executed race. If I do well - it's always more satisfying if my competitors and I are going head-to-head knowing we are putting it all on the line.
ReplyDeleteI think that if teasing hurts someone's feelings, you shouldn't do it. So, if you are sensitive about your running and someone making fun of you / trash talking about it hurts your feelings, then I think trash talking is not fun / cool. Otherwise, with bridge, you may not really care if you win or not or if you are good or not etc, so it's not really a big deal. The kicker is that you have to know the person well enough to know whether or not it will hurt their feelings. BUT if you don't know them that well, I would err on the side of NOT trash talking.
ReplyDeleteThere's a ton of smack tossed back and forth by the guys in the elite group in my speed class on Tuesdays - mainly by one guy. It seems like those really good runners and really good athletes are more likely to use it as extra motivation. I will NEVER trash talk ... unless I'm challenged - ha. If you challenge me, or "start it" ... sadly, I'm likely to respond. But it's rare ... I mean who's really talking trash a very average 43-year old runner. If you are ... I suggest finding something better to do with your time. I mean "WOW, you're a better runner than me! That's really something!" But overall I usually keep my smart a-- comments to myself.
ReplyDeleteI don't trash talk but we are a crazy group and we joke pretending that our city is the Black Knight Army's kingdom also using medieval terms.
ReplyDeleteMoreover there is always a change of e-mails about this topic.
Trash talking is fun...but it must be about something your just not that serious about.
ReplyDeleteI'm too slow to trash talk. I'm just out there to have fun and a positive attitude towards myself and others. Sounds cliche, I know. But, it's true. I am happy for you and your fast time and I am happy for you and your slower time because you are out here and doing it-it's more than most people. Sometimes Josh and I will trash talk each other about our rides together, but we know that we are just joking.
ReplyDeleteI don't trash talk in running but I do when playing cards with people. I am usually pretty lucky with playing cards though. I like to call it skill :)
ReplyDeleteI tagged you in my blog today for continuing to persevere through your injury and make your comeback!
http://www.christyruns.com/2012/08/very-inspiring-blogger-award.html
No way on trash talking. Dry humor (which I have) and light teasing can help diffuse a tense situation - ie: waiting for a race to start - but overall respect and encouragement are the best ingredients. Unfortunately, I have seen a friend trash talk, under the guise of teasing, another friend about her running and racing ability and I felt it was way over-the-top - demeaning and outright insulting. It was an uncomfortable moment but the demeaned friend just smiled in a good natured way but I felt hurt and angry for her. I think good friends can do a little good natured, verbal jousting but hopefully can have discernment for boundaries of what is acceptable and safe and for teasing that goes overboard and crosses the line of what is appropriate. It can be a delicate balance, for sure. Honesty between friends is important.
ReplyDeleteOh man--I never trash talk in running! I know I would be struck down asap! And I agree, I've never been in team sports and would probably have hated that aspect of it.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh I would never trash talk about running. I am a classic underpromise and over deliverer. I'm embarrassed for those who do and don't/can't back it up. Uptight and humorless are 2 of my hubby's favorite adjectives for me. Ha!
ReplyDeleteI have never trashed talked about running - except in jest. As in - "I'm going to beat you" to someone I don't have a prayer of beating.
ReplyDeleteThat being said - my husband and I do tease each other about a lot of things - and would have done the same in your bridge game.
I think, like you said, it's the familiarity and knowing what is "fun" and what is "mean." For me, when in doubt, I don't do it. Ever.
I only run alone. I only trash talk with someone I know who's faster than me because I really don't care when I get smoked. If someone's slower than me then they're probably a beginner and I try to encourage them. With everything else in life, I trash talk, like the time I threw the dice playing board games and cart wheeled around the living room.
ReplyDeleteI'm an awful (or maybe awesome?) trash talker about pretty much everything. It's how I amuse myself at start lines. :)
ReplyDeleteSo all of this practice explains why the two of you are so good at cards . . .
ReplyDeleteI don't like being teased either. It often still makes me want to cry. And I am an EASY target in running because almost everyone in the world runs better than I do.
ReplyDelete