Friday, October 5, 2012

Wardrobe Malfunction

This morning I ran my pants off.

Not that I was going that fast. No. What I mean is, my pants fell down while I was running.

This was a first for me in 27 years of doing this sport. And though it could have been much worse, it's not a milestone I care to repeat!

I almost wimped out of doing this morning's run outside. I stepped out at 5:10 a.m. to gently falling snow and wet sidewalks. It was the first such weather of the season, and faced with it I almost went back inside to change into shorts so I could run at the gym.

The view at the ponds at the end of my run
The workout was a complicated one involving a tempo section followed by some fast 75-second intervals....followed by another tempo section and some more 75-second intervals (plus the usual warm-up, strides and cool-down). It would have been nice, in a way, to have it on a piece of paper right in front of me in the well-lit cozy rec center.

But I had dressed myself for the cold, and I didn't really want to go back inside and change. Another feature of my outfit that might have made the gym too warm were the compression shorts I was wearing under my capris. I don't usually wear them during runs, but my right hamstring has been tight. Not wanting to injure it for real, I slept last night with it wrapped in an Ace bandage and, on the advice of my chiropractor/ART guy, Dr. Hansen, will wear the compression shorts for everything other than easy runs until my half-marathon, now in a mere two weeks.

Once I was off and warmed up, the weather felt perfect, another magical morning to be out. The snow drifted down but no wind blew and the gravel around the ponds wasn't icy at all. Mist rose from the water and the waterfowl were out as they always are. I wasn't even the only person on the path. Two women passed me running the opposite direction, and several older people were out walking, too, either with eager dogs or alone. Being outside when it's cold is underrated.

Running fast is easier for me when it's cold. But that doesn't mean it's easy, especially at the end. For the 75-second pick-ups, I was allowed to disregard my heart rate and just fly. For the last set, I let my mind be obliterated in my music (my "All Mumford & Sons" playlist).

That's why it was only at the end, when I finished the last interval and began cooling down, that I noticed the wan sun had risen and suffused the grey sky with light, that a beautiful heron was perched on an islet in the middle of one of the ponds....and that my capris, sliding against the slippery surface of the compression shorts, were now hanging out with the waistband at the middle portion of my thighs.

I looked like this:

At least my compression shorts were all black. (Thanks New York Times for the image.)
I have no idea how long I had been running like that. It was in sharp contrast to the elated state of my mind, which felt like that of an angel who has just come back from soaring around the Milky Way, as I always feel after a hard session that went well. Fortunately there was no one else around to see the state of my pants, so I hitched them up and retired to the bathroom, where I was able to remove the compression shorts altogether before heading home.

So now I can say I once ran my pants off. But not all the way off. Just enough to be either stylish in a frat boy sort of way......or (since frat boy isn't really my style at all) ridiculous.


  1. I guess you better not wear compression shorts under your regular shorts at any more races. On the plus side, this must mean your butt isn't too big otherwise the waistband would have been held up. :-)

  2. This is hilarious!!! And a happy problem I suppose. :) I love running in the cold. I did 16 miles this morning and it was 18 degrees when I started (no snow yet!) Now get some smaller pants you skinny minnie! :)

  3. lol! thanks for the afternoon laugh. :)

  4. Hahaha that is awesome :) Literally never seen that happen before!

  5. Bahahaha, I'm so afraid that's going to happen to me! My tights are all getting to be too big and my microfiber undies contribute to a downward slide. I'm the runner constantly hiking up her pants. So lame.

  6. Your pants are half hanging off your a$$??? Girl, you are TOTALLY ready for Detroit!!!
    I have the same problem when I run with my long pants and thermals - keep having to pull my crotch up from my knees - sexy and I know it!!!

  7. LOL! This is sooo funny! running out of your pants! Sounds like you are doing great!

  8. ha ha, so funny! and you were so in the zone you didn't notice! go terzah :)

  9. A. Keep the snow IN Colorado and OUT of Missouri please and thank you.
    B. Keep your pants on. Children are watching.

  10. Michael @ slowlytri-ingOctober 7, 2012 at 12:15 PM

    Ha that's awesome!! I've haven't done that one - yet. I've gotten stuck in my pants because the drawstring got tied in a knot, but never had them fall off.

    BTW on your hamstring - since I know you've had the same back issues - I frequently get tight hamstrings when my SI joint is out of alignment. I used to think it was a hamstring issue, but found out over time it was actually a back/SI issue. Just a thought that you might want to see your chrio!

  11. Haha I love the mental image of you running like a thug :) I'm jealous of your snow! I love the kind of snow that is pretty when it falls and doesn't make things icy :)

  12. That's hilarious! I'm amazed that you didn't realize it until you stopped. You were in the zone! :)

  13. That is really funny! I have had mine go down a little, but not all the way! I can't believe there is snow there already. Goodness, it really is Fall, isn't it?

  14. This was such a funny post! I love it :)

  15. Hahaha! I'm also amazed you didn't realize it - talk about being in the zone!